Episode 13 - Paula Rauenbuehler - Emotional Intelligence

Paula Rauenbuehler is an amazing woman with a well-rounded background that crosses years of experience as well as countries, giving her a unique ability to understand people's behaviors, needs, and wants. Along with this, her areas of study are in emotional intelligence and now as a coach and speaker, she spends her time working with companies and individuals helping them find their true potential. She is also a Distinguished Fellow Coach with BetterUP  

 

Leighann Lovely  00:19

If you are an HR professional business owner or at the operations level trying to understand what people want. You may be struggling, our systems have been shocked practices have been questioned and culture is the leading conversation. Let's learn how culture is created, sustained, and why it should be the leading conversation when discussing hiring, training and retention. This is the foundation of any business and it's time to address it. So tune in to Let's Talk HR humanizing the conversation. We tackle topics that influencers of change need to understand and struggle to overcome every day, such as where to start, and what the new workforce wants and how to attract and keep positive momentum going. I'm your host Leighann Lovely

 

Leighann Lovely  01:06

Paula Rauenbuehler brings over 30 years of experience in human resources with service based organizations, to coaching clients on leadership development, having experienced a variety of cultures in the US and in the Caribbean enhances her ability to meet people where they are and take them where they want to go specializing in emotional intelligence. Her work with clients, helps them create their chosen legacy, clarify their goals, and challenges them to reach beyond their comfort zone. And certainly above and beyond their job description. In this realm, her clients explore the neuroscience of leadership and get to what really makes those legendary leaders, you read and hear about what inspires Paula most is tapping into the unique talents of her clients and working with them to make the best use of their strengths. While building confidence and competence. I call strength and weakness aces in spades. The goal is not to fill in the spaces, but to play to your aces. Well, Paula, thank you so much for joining me today. I'm excited to have you on the show.

 

Paula Rauenbuehler  02:21

Yeah, thanks for having me. I've been looking forward to this conversation. Excellent.

 

Leighann Lovely  02:25

So why don't you tell me you start out by telling me a little bit about yourself? Sure.

 

Paula Rauenbuehler  02:29

Well, I think the current terminology now for people that are kind of going off on their own is I'm a recovering HR director. I spent about 30 years primarily in the hospitality industry, in HR, a few years also in healthcare industry, but really working with the employees. And that's really where I thrived. And you know, you think of hotels really, as a front desk, and housekeeping and that type of stuff, but there's an incredible amount of opportunity to work with employees, and help them be the best that they can be. And that's really what drew me into kind of a service based business is it really is all about the experience, which is gives you a lot of creativity, and a lot of opportunity to help people really bring out the best of themselves. So spend about 30 years, you know, in the hospitality industry, a lot of people they grow there, they grow their career by working at different properties. So it's a little bit like a military, other than we get to work in prettier places. You know, that type of thing. So I did, probably about 10 years and the Wisconsin market, then moved to California and lived in Southern California, northern California. From there, I went to Jamaica and spent about 18 months from there, went to Boston, returned to Wisconsin did some Chicago time and then came back to Wisconsin. So what I found was really, that with each location, it was it was slightly different, but the people really are the same. And they had the same needs and the same aspirations. The culture of the hotel was slightly different because each area kind of brought their own spin to hospitality, you know, so in Jamaica, they're very musical. And so you would walk down the hallways, and the housekeepers would just be singing to themselves. You know, you know, Boston, certainly much more city centric and much more formal, you know, those types of things. So it was it challenged me in that way. But each time I moved, I kept looking for that perfect job, and thought that maybe this would be the one that would allow me to do what I enjoyed most which was developing people. And, and it would start out great. But then, after a while, it came to be the same thing. And HR, I think a lot by necessity is turned to be more about compliance than it is about really developing people. And and with each move that that lesson came sooner and sooner. So the point I think the shortest time was probably about three months where before it would have been like a year. or two, before I kind of realized, okay, this is it's the same thing. And I've always liked that developing people. And so about three years ago, I decided for a couple of reasons to strike out on my own, so that I could have that quality of life that I wanted, and so that I could give the best of myself more often. And doing that in a corporate environment, I realized that that just that probably was not going to happen. So that was 2019. Left for for that reason to start my own business, but also to help my mother live more comfortably in her home in the last months of her life. So I had an opportunity to spend time with her, and really give back to her what she had given to me throughout all of my years, and then be able to spend enough time to be able to create my own business. And so I did that about three years ago, and have been working with clients on things like emotional intelligence, and how does that relate to leadership? How does that relate to problem solving, stress management, all those different types of things?

 

Leighann Lovely  06:05

Wow. So before we dive too deep into what you just mentioned, I want to go back to you know, a little bit of your experience with, you know, the hotel industry. And one you it sounds like you had an amazing opportunity to experience a lot of different cultures, because you lived in a lot of different areas that were clearly different. Obviously, in Jamaica, you have, like you mentioned, you know, that even the housekeeper is just the the cultural differences there were everybody was singing versus Boston, or here in Wisconsin, I'm sure that's drastically different. What were some of the challenges being moving from one state to another, with just that piece of the different mindsets from one place to another?

 

Paula Rauenbuehler  06:51

I think the you know, the opportunity was is to really take the time to learn their culture, before trying to make any changes is that seek first to understand, rather than to be understood, and it's not so much if it's not broke, don't fix it. But to really better understand what the challenge is. So in Jamaica, for example, that property in particular, was one that typically was used to help leaders come develop their skills, and then they would move on. And so most leaders spent two years there. And so one of the challenges with the employees were that they knew these leaders were only here for two years. And then they would switch to a new leader, and they'd have to adjust to a new leader. And so it's not that the employees were not loyal, it's just that they had experienced so much change, that they, they didn't necessarily invest that much, because they knew in two years, which goes by like, like lightning, they'd have to learn somebody else's style.

 

Leighann Lovely  07:53

And you know, that's hard. I mean, that's ridiculously hard when you're constantly, why would you state your roots, you know, it's like a kid in a military family, why make a whole bunch of friends if you know that you're going to be leaving in two years, or leaving in a year from now? Because you're, you know, sure, well,

 

Paula Rauenbuehler  08:09

yeah, and for the leaders, you know, they want to come in and make their merch, because this was a way to kind of get their name out there. And so they did want to come in and make changes quickly. Right? Because they wanted that reputation. And, and that's not easy to do. When you don't even know what the problem is, right? You're bringing somebody else's perspective in there, and not really taking the time to get to know the team members, because you're so some of those leaders are so concerned about their own reputation, and they wanted to have that legacy. And they're like, wait a minute, you don't even you haven't even you don't even know my name, or how we do things here. So working with the leaders to help them understand how to navigate that, so that they could still build that legacy. But not just be a flash in the pan kind of a thing.

 

Leighann Lovely  08:58

Right. Interesting. Very interesting. And so then you worked in place, you mentioned Boston. Right. Right. So how was how was Boston versus a market in Wisconsin? You know, different.

 

Paula Rauenbuehler  09:11

Boston was different. Certainly, you know, I worked in the, you know, in the heart of the city, you know, so certainly a lot of activity. That's that location that I started with, had a very strong union presence. So I had worked in Union properties before, but unions weren't quite as strong. And I pretty sure it was local, local, one or two, so was one of the very first hospitality unions. So they had a long history. And I think they had just finished contract negotiations. So there was quite a bit of emotion tied with that, and us versus them, you know, the things. So it was, you know, I hadn't worked in a union property for you know, that 18 months that I was in Jamaica and And the one in California wasn't all that aggressive. So adjusting to that. And the key that was really having strong relationships with the union stewards, not to have them do things my way. But again, to be able to understand where they were coming from. So they we didn't have so many confrontations, and we have more conversations, and really working with, with those employees to Okay, what do we do here? Because we're both in this together,

 

Leighann Lovely  10:26

Right. And so now you made a comment that, you know, you quickly started to realize, you know, instead of being a year, being three months at times, that while I'm not so much the head come in and be the people leader, rather than that HR person who is laying down those policies and procedures, and, I guess, being the, the gatekeeper of the company, and making sure that they're protected, right. And that is, unfortunately, where HR, where human resources has kind of gone. We've seen it evolve over time, and many of us, you know, legacy, HR people. I don't know if I'm considered that quite yet, I think of getting up there. But, you know, I originally went into it into human resources, because I wanted to be a resource for humans at a company and help people. But quickly, you know, even in the beginning of my career, because I started really, in 2008, I quickly became, wow, this, this is not fun. I'm laying people off, I'm being laid off. And all of a sudden, it was, hey, we need somebody to come in and change policies. And I'm like, wow, everybody hates me. And I'm not saying that that's for every, you know, there are a lot of great HR leaders out there. So tell me a little bit more about that kind of eye opening moment where you're like, Wow, this is really becoming apparent for me. And I guess what drove you to then say, Hey, I'm going to be my own business owner. And I know, you also mentioned a personal drive for that. Right. But sure.

 

Paula Rauenbuehler  12:04

Yeah, and, you know, I mean, the compliance is, is critical. It I mean, HR, I think one of the primary functions of the HR function is to protect the company. Right? And so the harassment training, you know, now, currently the DEI training and those things are all important, right? Unfortunately, I think when, when companies need to make a choice of what they what they need, they need to protect the company from lawsuits. And so the push is to do compliance training, and do these policies and procedures. I think I heard somebody describe an orientation is, these are all the ways not to get fired in your first 90 days. Yeah, that six makes me want to attend orientation. But it's true. You know, it's how they, you know, cya. And I get that. But it was interesting. So now we're hearing people leaving in companies, you know, they're experiencing a lot of turnover, and losing top talent. And so a lot of focus is on keeping the talent. And I had seen a graph, within the last week of where training dollars are spent. The top one was training new hires critically important. Second one was compliance. The last one on the list was developing people for succession planning. And so you have these people that are, you know, they're compliant, and you're getting new hires up to speed. But I don't know that I've ever looked, when I've considered people for promoting, I don't think I've ever looked at whether they did compliance perfectly. I look for their leadership skills, relationship building, are they engaging their team, and if companies want to keep their leaders, and development is what I'm hearing is what is very important, if not most important for employees is that they have developmental opportunities there, they're not going to get it by sending them to compliance training.

 

Leighann Lovely  14:04

No. And I remember seeing a statistic and I, it's lost to me right now off the top of my head, but it was like, I think it was like in the 70%, somewhere of people have managers who, who took a, you know, a survey. And it was like, 70% of them were saying, you know, did you ever have management or leadership training, and none of none of them had, they were offered a management role. They were moved into management and none of them and had any type of management or leadership training. Now, and obviously, you know, man, those are two different things, management versus leadership, but Right, both of them are vitally important depending on the type of role that you have. You can't just take and you can't just take an employee who's been, you know, their whole career, a follower and then say, hey, we want you to now be a manager or a leader and navigate that. It sure It's not, it's not an easy thing to do. No completely different mindset. And then companies wonder, why are you failing at this?

 

Paula Rauenbuehler  15:09

Right? Well, and what I've seen with those, those people that have been pushed into that situation is since they don't know how to lead, they know that raising their voice will get results, it's not the best way to get results, because then they're, you know, managing or leading through command and control. But they know if I enforce the policies, if I write people up because of this, that or another thing, that's all that they know to do. And we don't really teach people even in you know, in my MBA program many, many years ago, maybe it's changed. But I had no leadership classes, a couple of HR classes, but that was more about policies and procedures. But everything else was about productivity and that type of thing. So and maybe that's changed. But even in the organizations, we might do a leadership program that was maybe 12 weeks, but there was no follow up after it. Right? How are these people actually implementing these things? Do they even know how to do that? Right. And, you know, to your question of what made me finally decide is, you know, with the last property, you know, it again was another we, my very first day, I get there at nine o'clock, I think by 930, I'm in a cab to go to another hotel, because they're having one of their union negotiation meetings. So, and most of all, my interviews were by phone. So I hadn't even met any of these people, I don't even know how they what they look like or anything like that. But my very first day, usually I walk around, I want to meet people, you know, that type of stuff. But I'm in a, I made a cab down to another hotel, to meet the rest of the HR team, and then going into a negotiation meeting, which at that point, they were fairly well along. So they're getting to those points where it's really the meat of the contract. So the meetings are much more serious toned, those types of things. But that's also how I met a few of my own union stories. You know, that was their first experience with me, and I didn't talk or anything, I was just there to observe. But, you know, that was the introduction to that property is, you know, how does this union interact with HR people, and probably the most contentious time that you would is in negotiations, you know, that type of thing. So with that property, it was in, they've recently taken it over. So we had to redo it nines, and you know, that type of stuff. So that was my introduction, rather than that person, like you said, to be a resource for people and help people. My introduction was, and I think we were also implementing a new HRIS system. So transferring that which was fraught with problems. And so it was, it was kind of a perfect storm. But even after that settled down, even after we kind of got things under control, it still was about that compliance. And managers wanting to, you know, what can I do within the contract? How can I discipline people and not have aggrieved and lose the grievance? That type of thing, rather than how do we reintegrate this team, after they struck, get them back on the team create those relationships and those types of things, there really wasn't much time to do that. And at that point, with my mother's health, like, you know, what, if I'm ever going to do this, now's the time to do it. And I don't want to miss that time with her to be able to do it, and I just, I just knew it was never going to turn around. They had an outsource training function. So I knew those things, were never going to come back to me, where I could participate in it. And they had their system set up, you know, those types of things. So it's like, you know what, let's do it. I've been thinking about it for a while, you know, what, let's just watch off, walk off the end of the pier and do what I need to do, to be able to bring out my best self, right, rather than continue to go to work in a zombie state and go through the motions. And yeah, it was successful, but not my definition of success.

 

Leighann Lovely  19:02

Right. And that's, that's the most important thing. And I think that's, that's a powerful statement, a very powerful statement that you just made. Yeah. And they didn't get the best of me. Right, your definition of success. And I think that that's the the key statement there. Because there are many people that I look at, and I think are brilliant and wildly successful. And then I find out a month or two later, and they're like, Oh, I made a major move in my life, and I go what, but you were so great. And they're like, Yeah, I was, but I wasn't happy. I wasn't home for my children, or I wasn't. And you go oh, well, good for you. So good for you for for, you know, having enough emotional intelligence to be aware of that. So tell me now what is your you know, your you're a business owner you tell me now, a little bit about that. And I'm sorry, I is your mother's Oh,

 

Paula Rauenbuehler  20:00

No, she passed away about nine months after. Yeah, I'm very glad that I was here. I was here at the most important time so yeah.

 

Leighann Lovely  20:08

And I am sorry to hear that. But it is, but it's wonderful that you had that time with her. And then you were able to do that. So, yeah, definitely.

 

Paula Rauenbuehler  20:16

Yeah, definitely

 

Leighann Lovely  20:17

Tell me a little bit about, you know, what you're doing now. And, you know, how you're how you pivoted to, to, you know, run your own business and what you're doing?

 

Paula Rauenbuehler  20:26

Sure, well, for me, you know, the difference between training and development is the follow through. So I kind of use the analogy is, you know, when you get your driver's license, you know, how to drive, but you're not an excellent driver. And I think leadership development is the same thing is, yeah, they got their leadership training, and they know, the policies and procedures, and, you know, all of those different types of things, they know how to schedule people, but it's, it's after that, that they actually develop their leadership skills. When they come across, I don't know how to address this employee, you know, their performance, you know, they're always, you know, reactionary, how can I make sure that they stay in the conversation, you know, we don't teach those things, and they don't follow through with those things. And so my, my business really is working with leaders to develop those leadership skills. I mean, you hear, uh, you know, you read all these books of excellent leaders and all these how tos, but then they're practicing somebody else. And they're, you know, kind of trying to be, you know, like an Elon Musk, or an Adam Grant or, and they're doing it their way. So again, they're still putting on an act. That's not truly them. Right. So you know, I do a lot of work with strengths management, some of the Clifton Strengths finders use an EQ tool, which marries well with that, because the EQ tool is behavioral, where the strengths or personality more is fixed. And taking a look at that to say, Okay, how do you bring your best self? But how do you use behaviors, because behaviors you can change, but that they're authentic? They may be new to you, you may never have had to do this. But how do you do that, so that it so that it worked well for you. So a lot of my work isn't necessarily like in your face emotional intelligence, like today, let's work on the composite of stress management. Unless that's the topic that they're bringing in. We talked about flexibility. And we talked about being an open minded and you know, how that can get in their way on either end of those spectrums. But the more and more I work with emotional intelligence, the more and more I know how it impacts and has a play in literally everything that we do. And particularly for leaders, just to help them understand what it is. Because most people I think when they think of emotional intelligence, they really think in terms of empathy, and empathy. They see sometimes as a weakness, because empathy, often they see is that's me giving up my responsibility and my authority. And it's not

 

Leighann Lovely  23:03

Or they think that if I give too much empathy to my employees, they're going to turn around and walk all over me. Right?

 

Paula Rauenbuehler  23:11

Yeah. And interesting. I was on a, on a call yesterday, and we were talking about emotional empathy. And the other people on the call, really kind of thought it only came into play under stress. And you need to be aware of your emotions, so that you don't say the wrong thing, when under stress. And it's that limited belief that I think, holds leaders back. Because they only apply it during stress, or when they feel like they need to show empathy. And every other time, they're not really cognizant of what it means to attend to social responsibility, what it means to attend to interpersonal relationships, right? What how does it impact decision making? And really kind of taking a look at you know, say taking a look at their results to say okay, here's, you know, this is where you are, you know, where you see that helping you or hurting you, because with emotional intelligence, it's not so much about more, you know, it's not an attempt to get a score to 100 It's really more about what's needed. Now. It can because sometimes flexibility is benefit. And sometimes it's not, you know, so how do you be firm, but not, you know, Stonewall somebody, but how do you do that and maintain your relationship? Right, you know, when you have to tell somebody, no, we can't accommodate that request. How can you do that with empathy, maintain the relationship and, and have them understand, rather than coming in as that new manager who knows nothing else to do? The answer is no, because I said so. You can leave now. It's, you know, how do you how do you bring that all into play? Right, and we don't take we don't really don't teach people that?

 

Leighann Lovely  24:57

No, no, and it's a. Often it's hard to or and I'm actually thinking to myself, like I, I'm going back and thinking back to when I was my younger self, right? My younger self when I was a rigid, don't move anything on my desk because I'll have a meltdown of Who touched my things of you know, in in those younger days where I couldn't handle like, I had a boss, I had an amazing boss who recognized this in me. And so she would do the most horrific things to me. I thought they were horrific. But she was actually, she actually helped me a great deal. If somebody came in, and I moved anything on my desk or anything, so she actually made a point and I wouldn't go out to lunch, I had lunch every single day that I ate at my desk. And so she made a point to be like, Okay, today, you're going out to lunch? And I'm like, no, no, I can't go out to lunch I have this is my routine. And she's like, Nope, you're required. It's our environment. We're having a working lunch at this place. And I'm like, Oh, my God. Then she went as far as to say, Okay, I come in one day, and she goes, we're moving your desk somewhere else. And I'm like, what? And I mean, I literally almost had a breakdown, like, I can't do this. Well, she started doing it on a regular basis to me. And I'm like, you've got to be kidding, like, but it actually started to get me comfortable with the fact that change happens, right? So now, years later, as I've you know, kind of been in some management roles. It's hard for, it's hard for somebody to come in, when you when you're all of a sudden hit with that. Oh, my gosh, I'm in a situation where I have to say no to somebody I have to roll with, you know, I have to roll with this. At that moment, when you're in that moment, you kind of go wait a second, how do I how do I handle this? And and you you do you have to pull back from? You have to take that breath that moment and go okay, wait, I can't just simply say, No, I have to give them a why I have to give them an understanding. Otherwise, you come off as being that on empathetic, unemotional on. But you also, what I found is that it's the same with a four year old and I have a four year old that if I just say no to her, it's about mama. But Mama, but Mom, it's the same thing. And I'm not I'm not comparing, you know? Oh, right. Yeah, yeah. But it is, if you have a no, but here's why. Or, yes, if it can be done this way, or that. That's what every human needs and thrives for. Right? It's a simple explanation as to know, but we can do this, right. And I was kind of a fumbled example. And the reason I gave the example of the manager who kept doing that, to me, was because she recognized my weakness. And she helped me overcome that without me even realizing to the point where I was like, Okay, I don't really care where I said anymore. And that was over the series of a couple of years. Sure. And now, I'm able to roll with that stuff, I'm able to not saying that I'm a great leader, or a great manager, by any means, you know, we've got a long ways to go with that. But by having those people who are constantly pushing you, who are constantly, you know, helping you along, that it's an amazing thing to have.

 

Paula Rauenbuehler  28:19

Sure. And that, you know, just kind of brings up for me the importance of transparency. And, and I think that's, that's something that people kept asking for, is we want you to be transparent. And again, I think that that concept is, I don't know if it's misunderstood, or not clearly understood. Because the transparency really comes in and to just use your examples of, you know, of even a four year old and you know, the people is helping them understand what went into the decision. So, you know, you don't necessarily need to get into all of the whys if you needed to lay somebody off, because that's gonna freak people out, that the company is losing money, and, you know, that type of stuff, but be able to let them know, you know, what came into this decision? And why were they impacted and got a master's from MSU. It's not Michigan State, it's an Israeli state, but we've got a master's and making stuff up. I think, depending on the client, that language is a little bit more colorful. But we all make stuff up. And when people don't have the information, we make up our own stories. So we make up a story that they don't like me, that's why they laid me off, right? And they don't like me, because I'm friends with the boss or I knew or, you know, for whatever reason, and then you have to deal with that. That's right. No, that's not this was a business decision. But if you do that upfront, it does a couple things. It helps control the MSU but it also keeps them out of their fear based brain. And because when you're in that amygdala Some scientists say you literally cannot hear. So if you've ever been just like so angry or so fearful, you really, you've got tunnel vision. And you don't see anybody reaching out to help you or anything like that. And when we can have honest conversations with people, even if they're uncomfortable, it keeps them in that executive brain where they can still hear, understand, comprehend, it doesn't mean that they agree, it doesn't mean that you get hug at the end of that conversation. But at least they don't hopefully feel that it's personal. Right, and that it's arbitrary. You know, it helps them walk out of there feeling like they were respected? Because it's not no, because I told you, because I said, so. It's no, and these are some of the reasons why. And that's where managers struggle to because they think transparency is let's open it, all of it. And let me show you the p&l and, you know, all of those types of and that's not what it is,

 

Leighann Lovely  31:01

Well, there's different levels of transparency, depending on the on what we're, we're talking about, you know, transparency of how the company is doing financially transparency of, of a decision that's being made in internally transport. I mean, there's definitely different levels of that. But right, you're, I mean, I've been told, by numerous people that the brain fills in what it doesn't understand, right? I mean, if you're, if you're given only half the truth, the brain will fill in what it believes the rest of the truth is. Sure. And that's where you get gossip, all of a sudden, you've got rumors flying around, and it's only half or partial truth. But there is a little string of the truth in it. So it's just enough believable that it spreads like wildflower fire. So it's so if you just go Come come out with here's why we made a decision. Here's why we're doing this. Here's why. It's so much easier to squash rumors from going around. Because then all of a sudden, if you're given the, I guess, quote unquote, boring, real explanation, it's less likely that people are gonna go, Well, let me tell you what happened. Because it's not as interesting. Your brain all of a sudden, fills in a much more colorful story usually.

 

Paula Rauenbuehler  32:18

Yeah, yeah. So for your leader who was testing you is what would have been different had, she said, You know what, I see this as a challenge for you. And as you grow your career, it's going to be important that you get comfortable with change. And so I'm not going to tell you, it's gonna be like a fire drill. But I'm gonna push you a little bit. You know, you may say, it would still have been uncomfortable, but at least you would have understood in the moment, oh, this is what's happening. I still don't like it. But I get it.

 

Leighann Lovely  32:46

And it did kind of become a joke. I came in one day, and I told her that I was going to superglue my chair to the floor so that she couldn't move my stuff. I mean, it did end up becoming, you know, hurt mental joke of Leon can't handle change, which, again, in my early 20, I was incapable of handling change. And eventually, it got to the point where I was like, Okay, I just, I'm gonna have to roll with this, I'm gonna have to deal with it. And it did. It helped me immensely. Now, I that I no longer have any problem with that. You know, this was I think it was like 2324 at the time. And she was an amazing boss, an amazing boss. She was also very young in her career. Her name was Carol, and I won't say anything else. And if she listens to this, I'm sure she will remember who she is. Sure, but yeah, so All right. So beyond, you know, beyond that. You You do a lot of coaching, you are also a member of so you are also a member? Of better up? Yes. So tell me a little bit about that.

 

Paula Rauenbuehler  33:55

Better up has been, for me a wonderful experience, because it's exposed me to individual clients that I wouldn't have had access to before. So they contract with an organization. And then the members as we call them, rather than clients, they go onto a platform, they read three profiles and select a coach. So I've had been able to work with, with people that are in multinational organizations. I've one that's now in bliss, she's in Ireland, and now she's in Europe, people in Mexico, people from industries that I typically I probably would not have thought to engage, because because of my service industry background, that's 10 that tends to be where I you know, look for clients. But it's been such a great way to to meet with people from all these different industries and again, like the hospitality, they have the same challenges that my leaders did confidence. How do I talk to my boss, but I said Today's topic, man, I don't think I can do this, how? Man, they promoted me, and I'm not sure I can do this. You know, those types of things without, you know, for this model without me needing to do marketing, so I just they pick me and we just jump right into the coaching. Oh, that's awesome. Yeah, so you know that as a business person, you know, you know, that takes a lot off of me to then not have to find them and I can do what I enjoy most and where I think I have an impact on them. So it's been, you know, for me, it's been an enjoyable experience. And in really being able to touch so many different lives, and have an impact on them, really has been, I think beneficial for them. Because there's some clients that have rehabbed and you know, when the end of the contract, they talked with their employer, and we're able to kind of extend the engagement, you know, those types of things, but to see their growth, and where they came from, and what they were able to handle. Because I truly believe having an outside source is really helpful for employees. Because there I never talked with their manager, there's there's no interaction. So there's no expectation, and there's no, I guess, tie in with the organization, I don't get tied into the politics or into the drama, those types of things. I'm, I'm totally detached from all of that. So we can have some truly honest conversations and dig deep. And the member knows it's never going to come back. That's there's not a chance of anything like that.

 

Leighann Lovely  36:38

And that's great. That's the way that that's the way that should be. So is the organization requesting you or is the individual requesting you the individual. Okay, well, that's, that's awesome. So you're also the CEO of bias, correct, that that's more recent, that you've engaged in that.

 

Paula Rauenbuehler  36:58

Yeah, just, you know, for the for the MPP piece. Because that, you know, again, that empathy piece, really is that misunderstood that it only comes into play when somebody's upset. But I also think empathy is important when somebody is celebrating something is that you truly understand why somebody is so excited about this opportunity. And do it genuinely, Britain, rather than, you know, congratulations on getting promoted, or congratulations, you're having a baby is empathy, I think is is so critical. But we only talk about it when somebody's upset. And I'm sorry that you feel that way. How can I make it better? Sometimes empathy is really just listening and letting somebody get it off their chest. And it's not about solving a problem. Right? It's about sitting there with them by their side. You're not in this alone. Okay,

 

Leighann Lovely  37:54

What does that phrase were the quote, I am not your problem to solve. There. It goes on more than that. But and that's, that's so true is there are times I'll and I talked about my dad a lot. Because my dad is my best friend. He's my greatest mentor. He's my sounding board. He's, you know, anyways, but there are times where I will call him and just rant about my day. And he was a manager for many, many years. And sometimes he'll he'll listen to me, he's my empathetic ear, and he'll go, do you want me to give you advice? Or do you just need an empathetic ear? I'm like, yep, just an empathetic ear. Yeah. Like, oh, okay, I feel better. I think so. And it's a safe place, right? It's not, you know, I'm not calling my boss and, boy, I better not be calling my boss. If I'm, you know, complaining, no, I don't actually complain about my boss. He's actually a great boss. But, you know, and that's, that's what it's about. That's sometimes he's also the one who taught me that the most important things in life, birth, death. Those are I mean, those are two of the most important things. In you know, no matter what, if somebody is dealing with the death in their family, if somebody is dealing with a birth in their family, you know, there are certain things in life that that trumps everything else, right. And it's not always tragedy. Sometimes it's its birth, sometimes it's the celebration of something and we need as managers as employers as to understand that I have one of my my partners that work. My employees that just recently she says why she's going on vacation. And she asked me, she says, Do you think I can work from home tomorrow? And I said, No, I really need you in the office. She's still training. She's brand new. So they really need you in the office tomorrow. She's Yeah, but I'm going to be working all night tonight. And I said, Wait, wait, what do you mean, you're going to be working? I said, when you leave here at the office, why are you working? Well, I've got these deadlines I have to meet. I said, your training deadlines? She's yeah, I've got to make sure that I get the I said, No. I said, when you leave here, you're supposed to go home. And be you. Do you spend time with your husband? I said, if you have training deadlines, you do those here at the office? You're paid to? You're paid to do your training. Yeah. You know, and, and I wasn't hearing her. And it took me until all of a sudden, she's like, well, you know, I, I was not understanding that she thought she had to go home and do her trainings. Okay. And all of a sudden, I was like, What, wait a second, why are you? You know? So sometimes it's a matter to have a manager of Wait a second. What are you talking about? You're going to be working into the all hours of the night to get your training done? What do you do? You know, anyways,

 

Paula Rauenbuehler  41:03

While I'm seeing the whole picture, you know, because, you know, we really, the best workplaces allow people to bring their entire self. So a lot of managers will say, check your emotions at the door. That is physically not possible. No, it just isn't. You know, you know, you know, hopefully they don't interfere, but we need to be able to help people, because that also means those good things, that also means in them not telling somebody, Hey, I got engaged this weekend. Don't leave your emotions at the door. Right? And that doesn't make sense.

 

Leighann Lovely  41:31

Oh my gosh, my, the company that, you know, I work at we, we laugh, we cry. We my boss pulled me aside to be like, Hey, you, you okay, I know that you had a rough week, I know that your power was out for 24 hours. And you had a tree fall on your I was a mess. Yeah. And that's the way for that. Right there. That's the way that every company should be. Yeah. All right. You okay? Do you need? Do you need Yeah, day off to take care of your personal stuff.

 

Paula Rauenbuehler  42:00

Yeah. And more than once, you know, because as you were talking about grief, and I think, culturally, we're not quite sure how to handle grief, we think three days should be enough. And you come back as your happy old self. And we don't know how to continue to be empathetic as people process their grief. Or say the, you know, the stress and the happiness of a newborn or a marriage is, you know, even after that time, Thanks, Colin, you know, and just remember that they are a whole person. And none of life is in a discrete timeframe. It's, it's a, you know, it's a spectrum that we experience. And I think it's the best leaders that understand that and realize how important that is. And how it doesn't really take all that much time.

 

Leighann Lovely  42:50

I just got a puppy. And I don't, for all you people, individuals, people out there who who've experienced having a puppy, it's like having a baby that bites you really hard. And I'm going through a very wide range of emotions up and down. And, you know, I also have a four year old so I, my, my boss sees the, you know, the bite marks all over my hands. So even just having that come into your life, all of the sudden, you're like, oh, my gosh, dogs keeping me up at night barking all night long, like, Yeah, any, it doesn't matter what life is messy. And if you're not an employer, allowing you to be yourself at work, and understand that life is going to get messy. You're you're going to miss out on great employees, because there are companies that are willing to understand that Yep, life happens if you're coming to my company, and you're producing and you're doing a great job. Hey, we'll roll we'll roll with you. Obviously, if you're, you know, got drama every single week, there's an issue but sure, you know, life happens all over the place all the time. Right. Yeah. But you know, people that are able to manage that get their job done, do it well, and still have production, you know, and a life and

 

Paula Rauenbuehler  44:19

Yeah, but think about what happens to that employee when they're not seen as a whole person. Right. And so now, I mean, some people call it wearing a mask. Some people may call it hiding. Eventually that weight wears them down, right? You just can't do it anymore.

 

Leighann Lovely  44:34

The stress of that is a goal. So I've spoken with individuals, not I haven't spoken with individuals but I spoken with Denise Shannon's I go back to a conversation with her she is the de shamans and Chelsea booty because they run a not for profit organization called good friend Inc. and they bring in information out to the world about neurodiverse individuals, okay, and one of the number one things that they talk about is how hard it is for somebody who is on the spectrum or a neurodiverse individual to go and work. If, you know, at a company, if there are not special accommodations, special accommodations set up for that individual, because they process information differently. And so part of that is that it is exhausting for some individuals. And I'm not just speaking to neurodiverse, it is exhausting for some individuals, to have to constantly pretend to be something that they're not, or constantly have to shape themselves or try to fit themselves into an environment that is uncomfortable. And I bring up, you know, Denise, and Chelsea, because they talk about neurodiverse individuals constantly trying to mold themselves into what society believes to be the norm. Right? Nobody should have to do that. It's, it's completely emotionally and physically exhausting, we should all have the right to be able to be who we are all the time. And if people out there can't be that because they're assholes, well, they're going to be found out anyways. Right? And, and the good people who want to go to work, do their job, want to be able to go home, and be with their family and be happy. Those are the ones who are going to rise to the top and shine. And I went on a complete and total rant.

 

Paula Rauenbuehler  46:32

No, but I think it brings up a good point. Because yes, it is I think it's more obvious with people that are neurodivergent. But I think the best leaders already do that. But in, you know, maybe a less dramatic way. You know, so for me, you know, with the housekeeping background, you know, the the best housekeepers knew how this housekeeper liked to have her cart. And so they made sure that you know, that I happened, or, you know, let's, you know, let's put her she doesn't like to be moved around. So we don't need to move her. Let's do that. Because, you know, like you with that change. It kind of upset the day and she's not as productive. And she doesn't want to go home feeling unproductive. But I think the best leaders already understand that, that that that individualization, because it could be, you know, if you celebrate with birthday cakes that you get the flavor that that person likes, rather than just some random cake that you picked up at the grocery store. How much meaning would that flavor have to that person? Oh, you remember that? I had like, you know, marble cake versus, you know, pull chocolate. Or you remember that I like cheesecake instead of, you know, a regular cake. That can be such a nonverbal expression of appreciation and respect. That, that counts a lot. For things like retention engagement. You see me you hear me? And it takes nothing to do that.

 

Leighann Lovely  48:01

Yeah, absolutely. The little things, the little things are the ones that impact people in such a profound way often. So, alright, we are coming to time. So I'm going to ask you the question of the season. Okay, if you could go back to your younger self and give advice to your younger self, when would you go back? And what advice would you give yourself?

 

Paula Rauenbuehler  48:27

It's interesting, and I'll pick this age for a reason. Around 30. Because I think around 30, I was just having a conversation with a niece who's turning 30. She said, Why do you think the 30s are better? You know? And I said, because I think we find our voice then. And we've worked through a lot of the expectations and figured out where do we really want to be, and where we don't want to be those types of things. But you have to go through those experiences to know what you don't want, and where you do want to be. And I think I would tell myself to to listen and act on my intuition. Rather than, you know, kind of say, that's never gonna work. Or I can't do that. Or no, I just need to toe the line. That next job, that's going to be the perfect one. I think I would have had myself listen more closely. And, and I may still have stepped away when I did. But I think I would have better directed my career and probably would not have taken the same job over and over again, at different places. Maybe I would have gotten into a training function where I would have been more fulfilled and and satisfied and still being able to do my best work rather than because of compliance work I can do. You know, it comes easily. It's not what I enjoy, but I can get it done and so people appreciated that and so I got recognized for that. But it wasn't what felt my soul, you know, fed my soul But when you get that recognition, and those accolades, that feels good, but not good enough, after a while, it just wasn't good enough.

 

Leighann Lovely  50:07

You are very similar to the advice, the age that I would give myself advice, because you're you're really right. You. I think 30 is definitely the age where people find that voice because you're your 20s is truly that experimental of what do I want to be when I grow up? Where do I want to be? What company do I want to work for? And you learn so much in that 20 to 30 year span of 10 years of, of really gathering as much knowledge as you can you believe that you know, everything? Oh, sure. Yeah. It isn't until you all of a sudden look back and go, Wow, I really did not know very much. Yeah. But that's great. That's awesome. So if somebody wanted to reach out to you, how would they go about doing that?

 

Paula Rauenbuehler  50:58

Probably the easiest way is find me on LinkedIn, connect with me. You know, I post quite frequently on there, and I try to interact with people on there. And then email at Paula@LeadingUPCoach.com is another way to get a hold of me. But yeah, LinkedIn is where I spent a good deal of my time creating relationships and posting content and just helping people. Just to give them little tidbits here and there.

 

Leighann Lovely  51:22

Perfect. Well, Paul, I really appreciate again, you taking the time to come on and talk with me today. I've really enjoyed our conversation.

 

Paula Rauenbuehler  51:29

Yeah, thank you. No, it's been a nice experience.

 

Leighann Lovely  51:31

Thank you. Yes. Thank you again for listening to Let's Talk HR. I appreciate your time and support without you the audience this would not be possible. So don't forget that if you enjoyed this episode, to follow us, like us or share us. Have a wonderful day.

 

Linkedin - Paula@LeadingUPCoach.com

 

E-mail - Paula@LeadingUPCoach.com

 

Website - leadingupcoach.com

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

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SUMMARY KEYWORDS

people, leaders, employees, understand, training, compliance, manager, hr, conversation, type, empathy, day, hear, clients, jamaica, life, company, helping, sudden, individuals

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